The International Panel on Tectonic Implosion Releases New Study
A new study done by the newly created International Panel on Tectonic Implosion (IPTI) reports that there could be a correlation between oil pumped out of the earth and increased seismic activity.
It's called 'Tectonic Implosion' and it could be responsible for the recent earthquakes in California and China and even the recent Tsunamis around the world.
"You can't keep pumping billions of barrels of oil from underneath the ocean floor and not expect it to have an effect on the globe!" says Elmer Beauregard one of the many scientists on the panel.
"Nature hates a void, and it always tries to fill a vacuum, and man is creating all kinds of voids underneath the earth's crust, so don't be surprised when things start shifting around."
"Think of the earth as an uncooked egg, and the shell represents the earth's crust. If you start sucking out the yoke, this will weaken the egg's shell" Elmer says.
The new study also says the offshore drilling is worse than drilling on land because of the increased weight of the ocean on the ocean floor.
The whole thing started about 10 years ago when Elmer started comparing increased oil production with the increasing number of earthquakes.
"It's pretty hard to refute when you look at this chart!" says Elmer. " I think this could eventually be a bigger concern than climate change, the earth collapsing in on itself is a much more traumatic thing than the temperature increasing a degree or two."
Comments (14)
You forgot to mention that the other possible problem caused by sucking the ground dry. Some areas might not implode, but instead, fill with magma from with. Recently there were stories posted on how some ground temperatures were exceeding 400F!
http://cbs5.com/local/2.433972.html
Posted by sgtgizmo | August 7, 2008 10:50 AM
Posted on August 7, 2008 10:50
Good point, I suppose pumping water out of the ground and natural gas and even coal mining is all contributing to "Tectonic Implosion"
Posted by Elmer Beaureguard | August 7, 2008 11:39 AM
Posted on August 7, 2008 11:39
Elmer,
How about adding the IPTI logo to your line of products so I can put one on a ball cap. If you don't want to do that can I have your permission to make and wear one on my own. Maybe you could make a line of products: key chains, lighters, pens, mugs, business cards, caps, shirts, bumper stickers, etc. I like the way your twisted mind works as it reminds me of me when I was younger.
Thanks
Mike
Posted by RVN68MIKE | August 7, 2008 2:34 PM
Posted on August 7, 2008 14:34
Consider it done, If you want you can be one of the thousands (well 2 right now) of IPTI Scientists.
Posted by Elmer Beaureguard | August 7, 2008 2:39 PM
Posted on August 7, 2008 14:39
You can't make this stuff up.
The sky is falling.
The ground is falling.
The globe is cooling.
The globe is warming.
The climate is changing.
Lions and tigers and bears, oh my.
Posted by William Wallace | August 7, 2008 9:37 PM
Posted on August 7, 2008 21:37
DAMMIT YOU ALMOST GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK.
Posted by jake von MN | August 8, 2008 3:27 PM
Posted on August 8, 2008 15:27
Is there some gathering place (other than KOS) where these people sit around and think this insane crud up? It appears that there is a religion out there that truly believes if we keep pumping hydrocarbons and using them it will be the end of the Earth. They appear to have combined forces with those who would gladly crash the American economy so as to drop us off the 'world powers' list.
Or is it that these tinfoil hat wearers have always been with us but the media is now digging them out of their holes and running them as ledes?
I confess in all my 63 years I have never seen so many morons get so much public attention on such a wide scale. Good grief!
Posted by chuck in st paul | August 8, 2008 5:43 PM
Posted on August 8, 2008 17:43
Sorry Jake.
Posted by Elmer | August 8, 2008 9:56 PM
Posted on August 8, 2008 21:56
heh, seriously though, it looked legitimate at first and i had this sinking pit feeling in my stomach,
If that seriously got popular i would not know what to do with myself,
appology accepted ;)
Posted by jake von mn | August 9, 2008 9:14 PM
Posted on August 9, 2008 21:14
First you have to change the scientists name. The greens will google it then the game is up. Next you have to erase this entire post. You might also put in the press release that the scientist is a whistle blower from the oil industry, a geophysicist or something. The greens fall all over oil conspiracies.
Posted by Mike C | August 10, 2008 9:37 PM
Posted on August 10, 2008 21:37
there are some gramatical errors in the text as well... but get some things fixed and I'll put it in the correct green moron hands... this will go like wild fire
Posted by Mike C | August 10, 2008 9:43 PM
Posted on August 10, 2008 21:43
I will always keep the original post because if it does take off like wild fire we want to pull the rug out from underneath it, and hopefully show how these stupid things get started.
By the way the Stone Arch fell in Utah...
HMMMM... maybe something to do with TECTONIC IMPLOSION!!! ???
Posted by elmer | August 10, 2008 11:00 PM
Posted on August 10, 2008 23:00
no, you want it to take off like wild fire, get cbs, nbc, cnn and etc reporting it so you can show how incompetent these quacks are
Posted by Mike C | August 11, 2008 5:41 PM
Posted on August 11, 2008 17:41
This is great! I think you might have accidentally stumbled on the solution to those troublesome earthquakes.
We need to pump out as much oil as possible, as fast as possible. With no lubrication, the tectonic plates couldn't move: just like a rusty bolt.
Posted by Mark J | September 3, 2008 11:58 PM
Posted on September 3, 2008 23:58